Great Chitter Chatter - Stories from Loud Voices

Have you ever considered that in order to save your marriage you may need to stop talking so much with your spouse? To many people not talking, fighting, and showing all the dramatic emotion goes against the grain of working things out, but for many it can make the difference between a vow renewal ceremony and divorce.

In most cases, a couple going through a stormy period of marriage will end up sitting with a couple’s therapist in attempt to work out the problems. At first it is often tense and having to sit there and listen to the other person’s gripes and grumbles is very aggravating. Yet in the end, some will be able to find common ground and come out okay. Others will turn their sessions into shouting matches that eventually lead to a divorce.

Are you wondering how you can end up one of the former, rather than the latter?

If you think it’s the skill of the therapist that makes the difference, you are wrong. It’s the listening skills of the couple that make the difference here. Truthfully, it is not the talking that fixes the problems! Couples that use talk therapy successfully are the ones that truly listen to one another and then take action every single day afterward to make things better.

Talk that does not lead to action is not enough. Sessions that include two closed-off, bitter people sitting with arms crossed tight waiting for their chance to rip the other person apart or cry about how they have been hurt and betrayed will lead nowhere good. It can’t do any good because everyone is talking but no one is listening.

If you are going to try to talk things out, pay attention to what happens after each session. There will always be some sort of action at every moment of every day, and it’s the action after a talk session that will ultimately determine your chances of really working things out. If you both storm to opposite corners or have a huge screaming match, chances are low of coming out successful.

Yet, if you can really listen to one another in the therapists office or even just while sitting down for an honest conversation, then you have a fighting chance. You don’t need months of sessions or months of at-home fighting to fix a marriage. What you need is a short period of honest discussion followed by action.

It ultimately comes down to listening and acting, not talking. You don’t need drama, screaming, or throwing objects at one another in order to save your marriage. Honest conversations followed by action will work much better for everyone involved.

I think you’ll find this article helpful too, if you did, I reckon you’ll want to read this as well: Save Marriage or Save A Marriage or Save Your Marriage

Keeping you marriage alive can be a very hard thing to accomplish. It can be a very sad thing to watch a once happy union fall apart. Sometimes, even when both partners want it to work, they helplessly watch it fall apart. Usually, armed with a little information it is possible to save your marriage.

Know Your Feelings

Everyday arguments are usually about petty things. If you dig into your feelings a bit further, you will probably discover that it was something else entirely that had angered you, the petty stuff was just an excuse to fight. You may discover that although the argument was about your spouse being inconsiderate in some way, what is really hurting you is the idea that what you want is not important to you spouse. If you discover the real reasons for your anger then you can try to fix them.

Don’t Lie

Nothing else you try will make a difference if you and your spouse are not willing to be truthful. You must be honest not only with your partner but also with yourself. Lying about what you truly feel or want will only lead to you feeling like what you need is not important. The truth may not be what your spouse wants to hear, but if you try to protect their feelings by lying, the end result will be your feelings getting hurt.

Forget the Past

All of us make mistakes on a daily basis. Granted, some errors are larger than others, but you need to find a way to let go of the hurt and anger on a daily basis. If you allow the anger to stay it will grow. Every new mistake will build on the previous ones and soon you will spend most of your time angry. It is very hard to reconcile your differences if you are angry all of the time.

Go To Counseling

Even when both spouses have the best intentions, it can often be hard to make this journey alone. It may be easiest if you can find an impartial observer that can give you rational and unbiased advice. This will only be successful if both spouses are comfortable with the counselor.

If both you and your spouse are willing to put in the hard work, it is almost always possible to save your marriage. Remember the good times and that may give you the incentive to find them again.

Did you like this article?  Why don’t you find out more here. I think you’ll like it alot!: How To Save Your Marriage or how to get a girl back or Free Marriage Help